A Regression

Last night i wore some new underwear. It is a beautiful pink and black number and i shall upload some photos soon. It is wonderful to have nice underwear. It really makes me feel girly and almost pretty.  I took many photos of myself in it, but none of them turned out how i wanted. It is very upsetting that i look like a man in all of them. I shall take more time over the photos this weekend if i can. They should look very good.

Today i wore some nice panties under my trousers today. This is the eponymous regression.  I have been at the stage of going out in full girl mode and now i am back to hiding under my trousers. It makes me incredibly sad. I don’t know why i lack the confidence that i once had. Hopefully it will build up again.

I realised that i think about crossdressing and my gender problems nearly all the time. I cannot think of an occurrence this week where my mind has been devoid of the thoughts that plague me. It is a fairly unhappy existence which is why i am further pushed to go on hormones.  If i go on hormones, i shall expect to go full time within a few months. This is a very existing prospect.

Anyway, i shall write more later today if anything happens

An appointment with a gay man.

Yesterday, i went to the gay support centre in my city. I was a bit nervous and awoke late. I missed my lectures and rode my bike to the centre of town. The route i took was new to me. It was a beautiful old path, made when the university was still young, for the students to walk to the city centre. Old lamp posts and leaves falling from the tall oaks. The scene was perfect. The road ended in the old town and i began to fall in love with the city. This was a side of it that i hadn’t seen.

I parked my bike and walked to the centre. I was greeted by a classically gay man. Black turtle neck jumper, cute jeans and Italian shoes. The hight of fashion and cool. He took me through the building to some sofas on the top floor where upon he curled up in a corner and we chatted. We talked about what the centre could do to support me during my transition and to help me gain transgendered friends (something which i have been craving for a very long time). I got given various booklets and invited to go to a support group for young gay men. It wasn’t ideal, but it was all they could offer. It was nice to talk to someone who didn’t judge me. He was totally cool with it. I have never met a male who was comfortable chatting in detail about transgender issues.

I cycled home and did very little. I missed dinner as part of my feminising body regime. Some folks wanted to go to another gig in another hall so i went along. I was feeling very down. I am not sure why. I was just really sad and didn’t want to talk to anyone. Jim’s friend came along. She is wonderful, short, clever and totally of no sexual interest to me. Which makes her  perfect for a person in my situation. With Lily not around, i have had nobody to talk to about stuff. Hopefully she will be a decent stand-in. She could be a lesbian which is even more of a benefit. Jim fancies her so i think i will see her enough to try and put the motion forward. She has seen me in a corset and skirt. That is one conversation out of the way. I shall be sure to update you as things progress. If at all.

I miss Lily. Letters are nice. They are the unbreakable ribbon that holds us together. I don’t really like talking about Lily here. It just makes me yearn more. Just know that i still think of her often and i miss having someone who understands me.

I can’t wait to go on hormones…