Tis the thoughts the make the mood

Today has been filled with thoughts and emotions. I had my first lectures after coming back to university after Christmas. I was hurled back in the deep end and told to get on with it. I will have to concentrate hard if i am to pass this year and advance to the next. Academic pressures aside, my lack of social interaction has wriggled itself back to the forefront of my mind. I couldn’t find anyone to talk to in the lectures and nobody talked to me. I feel like an outcast. I tried to sit next to a talkative group of people but as soon as i made the devastatingly brave act of making conversation, i was told that i was sitting in seats that had been reserved for their friends. Hurrah for the implicit ‘you are not our friend so why are you even here?’

*sigh*

I will see Lily this Saturday. I am very excited but nervous. We are out to London and we shall both be dressed up in our finest. The polarity of this event could not be starker.

I never really loved you anyway

The shackles were broken today as i saw Leanna for the last time. Although it was an unpleasant experience, it is over and there is a whole new area of my life that i can open up with out worry.

I don’t really wish to go into the details of the affair because it is a bit too raw. Essentially she was offloading all her problems on to me. The only reason i was seeing her was to prevent her from self harming. If i didn’t see her, she threatened suicide, but she has made my life so miserable over the last few weeks that i felt that she would just have to deal with it alone.

*sigh*

Now i am off to the pub to see my friends for the last time. I may report when i return.