Battle with the red queen.

Things will change. The direction is uncertain, but the magnitude of the event will not be small.

I am sitting in a hotel lobby in Chicago thinking heavily about what is to come. A plan is formulating in my mind. I have yet to commit it to paper but that will happen soon enough. Hopefully, if i follow all the steps in the scheme, i will have happiness of a sort in whatever shape my body ends up in. My time in America is being documented, but in paper form. There is a girl who needs to read it more than anyone else. If she allows me, i will put it up here, but later.

I have been having lots of thoughts about lots of things. This is a difficult time but it feels slightly productive. By the end of the summer, a path will have been chosen and then all i will have to do it walk down it. I could run, but it depends on how nice the road is. I will have plans for each eventuality. Some more extreme than the others. Some that people won’t agree with, not even those close to me and who support me in what i am doing. They may have difficulty understanding why some stages of the plans are necessary. They are just things that need to be done for me to feel like i can continue.

Having a course makes things a little easier in my mind, but it still leaves a significant amount of unrest. Different unrest.

The plans may be published on this blog, but i may want to keep them to myself and only tell you when they have been done. I will decide later.

I miss people from home that made me feel better about being myself but being in a strange place is liberating. I spent all day practising my girl walk. All smiles. I may get it yet.

I hope to update soon.

xx

Full time girl

The experiment begins today. I shall live as a female for an entire week. As unimpressive as this sounds, i feel i could be a real challenge for me. Also a great joy. This is the last week before i depart for university and i don’t know how long it will be before i can dress again. This is my last change and i wish to get the most out of it.

There is a transgender society at uni, but i am worried about the demography of those that will attend and the possible stigma associated with attending myself. All will be revealed. This week i shall take more photos. I have little or nothing to be doing so i shall attempt to pose for your viewing pleasure. Since i posted the first photo, i have had a 100% increase in views to my blog. I am flattered and can only hope that i shall see a similar increase with each photo added.

Yesterday, (22nd september) I drove my brother to his university in Wales. The road was long and dull. It gave me alot of time to think about my own issues and although i came to many a conclusion, i can remember very few of them. For this reason i shall only write them here when i can remember most of them.

Lily sent me a lovely letter. It was a classic love letter. I opened the suitably bulky envelope and emptied the contents onto my bed. There were sequins, petals of a most beautiful flower, stones and other shiny miscellanea. The letter was inscribed with red pen on pink paper that was scented with her perfume. That was enough to make me smile. I read it through and sat back and cried for a while. She loves me so much. To have such a consummate and reciprocated love is a rare and beautiful thing. It seems that the closer i come to leaving for uni, the more in love i fall. Balls….

more later

x