Miss Autumn

I have been thinking a lot. ‘Too much’ some would say.

I have to talk to some close friends about it first but i hope to write up my thoughts in full when they have matured into words that will make sense on paper. Suffice to say that it could be nearly over. The forrest is still dense but i can see sunlight through the thick leaves.

I have a fondness for each season. I will always love the one i am in the best, whatever it happens to be. Autumn is pretty and i get to wear coats and be warm. It is also dark and mysterious. It fits me well (or do i fit to it?)

University work is getting much harder. This first assignment will go badly. Hopefully it will spur me on to do better in the next.

I haven’t spoken to my trans friends recently. I hope they do not think that i am abandoning them. I just need to be in a neutral place to sort this out.

x

An appointment with a gay man.

Yesterday, i went to the gay support centre in my city. I was a bit nervous and awoke late. I missed my lectures and rode my bike to the centre of town. The route i took was new to me. It was a beautiful old path, made when the university was still young, for the students to walk to the city centre. Old lamp posts and leaves falling from the tall oaks. The scene was perfect. The road ended in the old town and i began to fall in love with the city. This was a side of it that i hadn’t seen.

I parked my bike and walked to the centre. I was greeted by a classically gay man. Black turtle neck jumper, cute jeans and Italian shoes. The hight of fashion and cool. He took me through the building to some sofas on the top floor where upon he curled up in a corner and we chatted. We talked about what the centre could do to support me during my transition and to help me gain transgendered friends (something which i have been craving for a very long time). I got given various booklets and invited to go to a support group for young gay men. It wasn’t ideal, but it was all they could offer. It was nice to talk to someone who didn’t judge me. He was totally cool with it. I have never met a male who was comfortable chatting in detail about transgender issues.

I cycled home and did very little. I missed dinner as part of my feminising body regime. Some folks wanted to go to another gig in another hall so i went along. I was feeling very down. I am not sure why. I was just really sad and didn’t want to talk to anyone. Jim’s friend came along. She is wonderful, short, clever and totally of no sexual interest to me. Which makes her  perfect for a person in my situation. With Lily not around, i have had nobody to talk to about stuff. Hopefully she will be a decent stand-in. She could be a lesbian which is even more of a benefit. Jim fancies her so i think i will see her enough to try and put the motion forward. She has seen me in a corset and skirt. That is one conversation out of the way. I shall be sure to update you as things progress. If at all.

I miss Lily. Letters are nice. They are the unbreakable ribbon that holds us together. I don’t really like talking about Lily here. It just makes me yearn more. Just know that i still think of her often and i miss having someone who understands me.

I can’t wait to go on hormones…