A brief rethink of my life is in order. I need a weekend in a place i don’t know with a tent and a bike. I need to be away from everything and everyone so that i may think and reflect. Lots of things are up in the air at the moment. Where they will land when they fall remains to be seen.
It seems most people are moving on and living broader, happier lives. I find myself in a narrow corridor. I may need ot run around and make some noise. I need to feel that i am heard, wanted and needed.
Once again my gender identiy is in question. I feel that i am closer to a conclusion but i am not sure if the conclusion will make me happier. If i eventually decide one way or the other, i will have to majorly adjust my life accordingly. Nothing will stay the same when i choose the path i will walk down for the rest of my life. I am living a two parallel half lives. If i chose to live one fully i have to cut off the other. I just have to decide which will hurt the least to sever.
Things are not going well.
Meep
3 comments
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October 27, 2008 at 12:59 pm
whenhopeislostnothingremains
Hey Alice,
I’m sorry to hear (ehm…read that you have difficulties at the moment.
I hope you’ll find the answer you are looking for.
If you need a listening ear (or reading eye) just give a shout… Somehow everybody thinks I have a good listening ear and/or a good shoulder to cry on…
Best regards,
WHILNR
October 28, 2008 at 12:44 am
SnowdropExplodes
I think I mentioned in a comment to an earlier post that you don’t actually have to choose one way or the other necessarily – some people do manage to live a whole life without being two half-lives while accepting both sides to themselves. Maybe if losing either side hurts, you are meant to have both at once?
Then again, in many other things in my life I have tried to have both sides and sometimes it has just ended up with not being able to have either, so my advice is perhaps not the safest to follow!
I hope that you are guided well and make the right choice for you.
November 3, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Lynn Jones
Maybe Snowdrop’s right. Maybe you can have your cake and eat it. I know a few TG people who do. Why do you have to be ‘one gender’? Do you need that level of conformity (which isn’t a bad thing) or can you survive on partial journeys once in a while?
Good luck with the coursework by the way!