You are currently browsing the monthly archive for October, 2007.
The appointment yesterday was as useful as a soluble condom. All it served to do was make me upset and reassure me that nothing can be done to help my situation. It it only me who can fix this for myself.
I had a lecture today on hypnosis. It was very interesting but i have read about it often and knew all and more than what was being said. It was still nice to be told about it in a formal setting. Mind control of this sort is always fascinating. To put a gender based angle on it, the ability to make others believe i am a girl, i need to use more than physical techniques. There are so many subtle psychological signals we send out. The ability to control and manipulate such signals is useful indeed.
I got the bus back to my block and then made the long walk to the bank to sort out my student loan. If it doesn’t go through soon i am going to run out of cash. While at the shops i made a few choice purchases. Hair lightening cream and a craft knife.
The hair on my arms is starting to annoy me greatly. It is far too thick and dark. Hopefully this cream should cloak the fact that i look like a woman with man arms. I shall apply it this evening before bed. If you are very lucky i should have a before and after photo. Tomorrow is the big Halloween coming out. Stand-by.
I also bought a craft knife to improve the scar that Lily gave me as a departing present. Don’t think of it as self harm. It is far from that. It is self improvement. Think of it as a tattoo ir a piercing.
I plan to wear a skirt tonight after shaving my legs.
x
My alarm woke me at 0900 and i glanced at it. I then decided that my sleep was more important than having time to get ready and promptly went back to sleep for half an hour.
My second awakening happened at 0930 and i got up and went for a shower. To my great surprise, the cleaner was in there so i optioned to use another shower in a different corridor. Most of my time was spent trying to obtain a balance between scolding hot and freezing cold. Tomorrow i shall shave my legs. They really need doing and i need to look my best. Wednesday is Halloween and i am told it is a crossdresser’s favourite celebration. Having never marked the occasion, i am apprehensive but determined to do it well. I shall dress as a gothy version of Alice.
It will give me an excuse to show Alice to people in my block. This is the start of a prolonged campaign to show them who i am. After crossdressing on Halloween, i intend to start wearing skirts around the block to gauge reactions. Hopefully, things shouldn’t go too badly. – We shall see -
Out of the shower and back to my room. I gathered all the folders i needed for the day’s lectures and walked down the leafy back path to get my bike. I then rode off through the autumnal roads to university. The sun was shining through the remaining golden leaves and things seemed good.
I turned onto the busy road and was just riding along in the cycle path when i saw a van turning into a road; the road that i was just crossing.
There wasn’t anytime for me to hit the brakes. I hit the centre of the bonnet and kept going. The bike was flung into the pavement and i was still tangled with it. My legs jerked and the bike was liberated from my body. The van was slowing down and i smacked my head on the grill as i fell to the floor. Luckily i landed on my feet with nought but adrenaline in my veins. A few bruises and scrapes.
In a great deal of shock, i straightened up and looked at the driver. He was a young man (couldn’t have been over 25) and he looked terrified. Clearly this was a company van and he would be in all kinds of shit. Contrary to my expectations, he got out of the van and was very apologetic. He asked if i was ok and if i could walk. I wasn’t really in any position to say no and demand he paid for the repairs to my now warped bike.
He drove off and i was left to inspect the damage. My pedal was smashed through my wheel. Both wheels were buckled. My gear change was bent out of all recognition.
His van had a huge dent in the bonnet, a smashed grill and the bumper was hanging off. Almost a fair exchange.
I walked the bike the rest of the way to campus and parked it against a lamp post. I don’t know how long i am going to leave it there. I need to get it repaired or get a new one. I shall ask my parents if they are prepared to fund such a venture.
I had my first two lectures and then was on my way to my third when i spotted a police car and two fire engines outside the medical school (where my lecture was to be taking place). No smoke was present, but there were fully clad fire-fighters walking out of the doors. Police tape was preventing anyone from getting in. I stood there and contemplated my next move. Clearly i couldn’t go in. Today was just full of misfortune.
I made my way up to the library and read for a while. It usually calms me down. I have an appointment with a counselor soon. I had better go and prepare myself.
I may have to start wearing skirts tonight. I need comfort and emotional support. Sadly i don’t think the counselor can provide either. We shall see..
~hugs~
After a month of silence, I shall give you an update on my much changed life at university.
It would be near impossible to tell you everything that had happened from then till now (that is partly why there hasn’t been an update). For this reason, i shall just tell you my current situation and allow you to fill in the gaps with your imagination.
Today is Sunday and Duncan has just left. He stayed for the weekend and we just caught up and chatting about old times. I think some folks in my flat thought he was my partner. I have never had such feelings for Duncan. Not once, which i think is odd actually. Most guys have some appeal for me. Perhaps it is because i have known he longer than i have known about myself.
Anyway, i am deviating from the point. University is amazing. Truly the best thing that could have happened to me at this point. I have a great group of friends that call me ‘Alice’. They don’t all know the significance of this, but it always makes me smile to be called by my own name.
I remember a few years ago, i was chatting to a woman called Denise. She is an old transsexual who took me under her wing and explained a few things to me. She was the first to call me ‘Alice’. It really made my heart jump. 16 years of living as someone else, to be suddenly called by my real name was an amazing feeling.
Although lots has been happening, there is nothing that i can properly describe. All the events are too standard to document properly. I shall be sure to document any good occurrences. I shall also try to keep this up to date again on a daily basis. Also i have a few more photos ready to upload, so come back soon. 
~hugs~
Home Sickness [n] - The sickness of being stuck at home
I am now at university and adapting to student life. I have taken to it fairly well. There hasn’t been an evening without alcohol. I am meeting new intelligent people who may accept my crossdressing. I haven’t told people yet. I thought it may warp their perspective of me if i told them that before they got to know me. It may have warped it in a positive way, but this is the safest way. I have started to introduced the idea by telling people that i prefer to be called Alice. Most people seem to accept this and get on with it.
One girl called Fi has taken very well to it. I showed her my corset and skirts and she seemed both interested and excited.
Being away from home made me realise how much i didn’t enjoy myself while i was there. I was sick of being at home. The only things that i miss are Lily, a few close friends and quick access to London.
-this shall remain an unfinished blog entry-
