AHHH

hi
Girl friend problems have reached a head. I feel as if i am married to her. It is not a healthy position to be in. I want and need my freedom. I am a teenager, i ain’t 30 and in need of a wife. Basically, i plan to dump her this Saturday so I don’t have to deal with it. We have been going out for 14 months and I feel I have had enough. She doesn’t understand transgenderism. I don’t know whether I should tell her about my crossdressing afore i dump her. Her anger may cause her to tell people i know, but i have reached the stage where i don’t care any more. Our relationship has been a war of attrition. We have nothing in common except the fact that we love each other and i am starting to doubt that now. She lives far too far away and that means if i break down, i have to wait for the next few weekends for a hug. It is emotionally draining and it feels like i am married. i am 16 for fucks sake, i need to be able to go out and talk to people with out the fear of being thought to be flirting. I ain’t allowed to have friends that are girls. she says she don’t mind, but she clearly does. She has had me for over a year and i think it is time to move on. There is nobody else, i just need some time alone and she wont accept a break.
Enough about relationships, i am now dressed in the new black bra one of my mates brought me. Love it, it is so comfortable. Makes my breasts look nicely big as well. i am going to try and wear it to school to see what it feels like. I am also wearing my dress and low cut top. My mum is downstairs and doesn’t really mind. This Friday i am going to Wycombe to see my psychoanalyst. She will probably have something to say. I am getting more and more feeling like i want to become a woman. To have breasts and to get rid of the thing between my legs would be a dream, but sometimes i think about it and think how terrifying it would be. To shut down one side of my life completely. Best do it while i am young and not wait until i am 40 and the hormones wont work. I really don’t know what i want. I am so confused about what to want and think. Sometimes i want to be a girl so strongly and there are times i cringe at the thought.
For now i need a strong minded, bisexual, liberal, open minded and clever girlfriend who will understand and help me through these difficult times.

- hugs
~Alice~

Recent events

hi
Feeling the need to dress a lot recently. Probably because i am under a huge amount of stress. Exams going on, parents split not being friendly. Girlfriend difficulties and the decision of whether to tell her or not. I get the feeling it would destroy our relationship if i did. But… if she can’t take it then it is probably best to be ended soon. Tis a pity indeed. Exams over soon. Doing AS levels and the are difficult. Coming across lots of stuff about gender in Psychology and it is fascinating. Leaning loads but forgetting most of the other stuff.
Met another young crossdresser online who is in a similar position to me. Sadly she lives in America, oh well. My quest for self-fulfilment continues..

- hugs
~Alice~